Teachers can do themselves the best favor by establishing clear classroom rules that are posted prominently in the classroom. Once I retired, I had the time to analyze past problems. I was also doing some subbing. This led me to realize that a few students had developed specific, aggressive tactics for gaining control of the class. I have found that the following rules and consequences serve as the basis for creating a classroom climate of fairness and respect. These rules work for substitutes even if they differ from the teacher’s rules. This is because they are the responsible adult for the day (see rule 9).
The Rules
Talking, making noise or other sounds while someone is speaking or it is time for the room to be quiet is not allowed
*Sarcastic remarks, putdowns, noises, faces, or rolling eyes is not allowed. The teacher/sub is the judge of what is sarcastic, or what constitutes a putdown.
No touching of anyone, anyone’s property, or anything else in the room that does not belong to you.
Do not throw anything.
*Do not become a lawyer for another student when I am disciplining him or her. The teacher/sub will deal with any misbehavior.
*Ask questions that are specific to the classroom topic or daily lessons.
No food/drink/gum in the room except for plastic bottled water.
No cell phones or other electric devices unless specified by the teacher.
*When a guest or sub is in the room, he or she may do things in a different way. The person in charge is responsible for your safety, the maintenance of the room and the equipment so he or she will make decisions as needed.
Consequences:
Students will not be warned because these rules are school rules and deal with fair
play (equal treatment) and respect. (A side note about this specification which is a
personal preference. I don’t give warnings because I have seen parents in malls start
counting to get their child to stop misbehaving which allows the bad behavior to
continue during the countdown.)
Students may try saying sincerely, “I’m sorry, it won’t happen again.” This may or
not work.
Students will be sent to in-school suspension or to another teacher’s
classroom and it is possible a referral will be written. Note: If the school doesn’t have
in-school suspension, then find a near-by teacher who is willing to take in a
misbehaving student. A lot of teachers will help you if you don’t make it a habit.
*At the end of letting students know the rules and the consequences ask:
Are there any rules you didn’t understand?
Is there any rule you wish to modify or change in a way to make it better or clearer?
None of my students has ever responded to either question when I sub. This means if they break a rule, they have no recourse because they had a chance to alter the rules. You may want to print out the rules with a statement that they have been offered a chance to modify the rules and obtain their signature.
All of the starred items are extremely important because they represent blocks to the tricks students have used to get around the controls that teachers attempt to establish. If these rules are in place and have been enforced, then students will not be able to pull any of the troublesome behavior I used to read about on my substitute reports. Students can’t complain about that mean, unfair substitute.
Many teacher training courses promote spending time having students generate the rules and the consequences. This is to get the students to buy into following the rules because they have been part of the process. My experience is that this creates the idea that the classroom is a democracy and students feel empowered to jump in when you are disciplining someone. Students should not feel that powerful. You are the authority in your classroom and that’s it. Besides you need the time to be an effective teacher with a manageable class.
Friday, November 26, 2010
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
A way to STOP the BULLYING in our schools
Why Children Bully and How to Stop It November 16, 2010
“Sticks and stones can break your bones, but words can break your heart.”
Robert Fulghum
After watching the many show(s) about bullying, I felt compelled to write. about the topic. The best sources of solutions to this problem – experienced teachers have not really been tapped. I am passionate about offering solutions because, like many teachers, I have dealt with bullying and bullies. You can not lecture, preach, teach kids and/or set up a course to stop it! I learned this the hard way. In fact, you may have the opposite effect of your desired goal by trying to teach students to be kind or empathetic.
By shinning a spotlight on the problem, you give the bully more power and attention. No one can have eyes and ears on a child 24/7. You may create more pain because bullies will work relentlessly to find an opportunity to strike again. Now, they feel even more satisfaction when they score, because you have emphasized the pain of the victim. No courses please.
These are the more common reasons bullying occurs:
• Gives the bully power
• Gives the bully control over situations
• Gives the bully an audience and often encouragement from peers through
laughter/entertainment value
• Gives the bully satisfaction – often bullies feel like failures, however, they can succeed as bullies
I am not going to site sources on this, but years of observation, experience, training and caring will have to serve as an expert reference and must serve as a basis for my observations and recommendations for solutions.
How can society stop bullying in our technological world?
Teachers, administrations, school districts, parents and children all have rolls to play. It’s all about creating simple, enforceable rules and enforcing them. Three positive statements that can guide everyone in creating and enforcing rules that may be effective are:
OUR SCHOOL PROVIDES A LEARNING ENVIRONMENT WHERE EVERYBODY CAN DO THEIR JOBS EFECTIVELLY.
OUR SCHOOL IS A SAFE PLACE FOR EVERYBODY PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY.
OUR STAFF SUPPORTS PARENTS AND GAURDIANS IN THEIR EFFORTS TO RAISE SUCCESSFUL CHILDREN.
Many districts have fundamental statements like these. These foundation statements have failed because the adults employed by the school system have been stripped of their ability to enforce supporting rules. This has happened slowly over a period of several years. People involved with the school system have turned these types of statements into clubs to beat people up and media frenzies have helped. Often individuals obtain more influence than the school population as a whole, creating an imbalance of power or an endless power struggle pitting one group against another.
To illustrate this point 2041: Twelve Short Stories About the Future by Top Science Fiction Writerst to you and to others, I refer you to a short story titled: MUCH ADO ABOUT [CENSORED] by Connie Willis from Jane Yolan’s collection . It’s about extreme politically correct behavior and censorship. The Drapery Defense League objects to Hamlet because Polonius is stabbed while he's hiding behind a curtain. The National Coalition Against Contractions protests because they feel that the use of contractions is directly responsible for the increase in crime rates. The CD containing the play, Merchant of Venice, is kept in the school safe and Portia, a student, must jump through all kinds of paper work and hurdles to get final permission to perform even a portion of the play.
Offending anyone is not an option and yet, incongruously, a young lady is allowed to protest outside the high school wearing a bikini. I used this story to let eight-grade students draw conclusions about the dangers of censorship and the potential scenarios that could play out should general society continue to respond to the calls of the few making lots of demands that on first glance, seem to require attention. It is only as time passes and more and more demands are met, that society realizes it has restricted what was worthwhile in the first place. Most of my colleagues thought I was engaging in risky behavior. I called it teaching critical thinking.
A few people, who make a lot of trouble, have gained an unbelievable amount of ability to control what happens in public schools. Who should decide when something is interfering with any school rules and/or harming a child attending a particular school? 99.9% of time it must be the adult employed and trained by the school system. Too often bullies, people who wish to control the education everyone’s child receives and others find a technical loophole to get away with breaking sensible rules or changing well-developed curriculum. Why do you think teachers don’t discipline or write students up for cursing or other verbal abuse? Why do you think teachers have demonstrated safer teaching strategies and slowed down in developing lessons that might be viewed as allowing divergent thinking?
I hope people watch the reality show, Teach on A&E starring Tony Danza. I’m not sure, but in all his promos, it looks like he’s getting the full treatment. He will probably score a breakthrough, but for most new teachers, that is not the case. They are gone within the first two to four years and not necessarily to higher paying jobs. If teachers disciplined students solely for objectionable language, they would spend all of their time writing reports, on the phone explaining their actions in detail, or worse - in guidance or the administrator’s office meeting with angry parents. This is on top of teaching, training, meetings, grading papers, recording grades, testing, assessing, additional duties as assigned and more.
I was once called a five-dollar-crack whore. I had moved some tenth-grade girls’ seats because they talked while I was talking. I don’t tolerate talking while I teach because I’m a big ham. My response was that I thought I was at least worth ten. Then, I deducted points from the young lady’s conduct grade which she was allowed to earn back. I earned a great deal of respect from her clique and the class that day because I didn’t have a hissy fit, lecture or write her up for a discipline meeting with the administration. We discussed the problem after class. I was not called a bitch (even mumbled) for the rest of the year by anyone in that class. I thought that was a big win.
Believe me – students know right from wrong. You have no idea of the time students subconsciously or consciously enjoy eating up with these disruptions and veteran teachers earn their reputations. Many of these teaching marvels flunk kids, call home, don’t smile in the first nine weeks and take a lot of heat. However, even the toughest of them have come under fire. I used different tactics, but in the end even gentle humor, quick wit, anecdotes and positive reinforcement lose their luster. Some of my quick sound bites landed me in administrative hot water. Being a drone and single-minded task master is the safest way to earn a teaching pay check these days.
Some children have been together for years and have learned to defeat most school districts’ lengthy Codes of Behavior. Teachers, administrators, superintendents and school boards have been put through hours of grilling and lawsuits. This has effectively hampered a lot of school personnel’s ability to handle even the simplest cases. Phoebe Prince’s case is not unique in terms of bullying and if you delve into the details you find the high school’s administration admitted they had not enforced their Code of Behavior equitably. If you give one student a pass when he or she breaks a rule, word gets out in the community and that’s when discipline, which is a shield for the bullied, fails.
There are horror stories of teachers, staff members and administrators who abuse their power when rules are strictly enforced - adults are not without faults. To solve any potential misapplication of purposeful adult authority, the adults involved have to come to consensus. Staffs must brainstorm, role play and decide what it means to be have a satisfactory learning environment, what it means to provide safety and support. They must agree when parents will be notified and the like. Everyone must reasonably follow what has been agreed upon.
Then students must be trained to meet expectations. Taking a written test doesn’t cut it. I mean students must be walked through the halls, brought to the cafeteria and more. A pep rally should be used to introduce all staff members to the student body and explain the rules using music and a slide show. I told my grad students to spend the first week lining up all students and to do this no matter what grade they taught. After lining them up, walk them back into class quietly and quickly. Next, have students sit at their desks and pull out homework, pencil and paper. Then ring a bell and give a grade for perfectly completing the drill as a class. Explain that the following week, individual conduct grades will fall for each failure, but can be fixed if the rest of the week is perfect.
I realized from raising my very intelligent daughter that telling her what to do was me presenting the information in only one format. Even my little genius, who now has her C.P.A. would say, “Duh, I forgot.” It was a game, but adults have to be smarter these days and remove excuses. Only then will the three to five percent of troublesome students be stopped from hampering the education, physical and mental health of other children and staff. Adult judgment calls have to become the final word.
Caregivers and extended family must be invited to potlucks and trained and given tons of support. They must know that they can contact teachers, guidance, or any staff person that strikes their fancy. Return calls are not optional, must be made within three days and documented. My Spanish speaking custodian helped me out lots of times. At one school, the staff designed a general form to use and copies were sent to guidance, kept in a teacher-made file and sent to the appropriate administrator.
This will take tons of time and some principals claim they can’t get staffs to agree about discipline or much of anything (especially high school staffs). We don’t have the luxury to ignore this problem any more, allow a few contrarians to dominate a staff, or claim it can’t be done. Once they are in place – the best plans can be adopted to cover the elementary, middle and high schools in a district and children and parents in these areas will find that expectations are uniform, fair and consistently applied. I have seen a staff use a process that got 80 plus staff members (all staff) to agree on the top 5 discipline problems and how to tackle them in two meetings, but this is not the place to go into detail about how this miracle was accomplished.
Tragically, this system fell apart because administrators caved into parental pressure and pressure from district administration. Teachers had put into place a point system that, up-front, let students know that they would be dropped or denied the ability to try out for sports teams and clubs after a certain number of offenses and points had been reached. In-school suspension was having an effect. Everything was working until exceptions started being made and teachers were pressured to withdraw discipline reports and even change conduct grades.
The least everyone connected with a school system can expect is a uniform application of discipline. Jocks, nice kids, the smart kids are not exempt . . . you break a rule, you pay the same price. No telling mom, dad, grandparents or others that the teacher is picking on you or that is not exactly what you did. Conduct grades should be on every report card and calculated by the teacher with a fair system that is consistent with school policy and communicated to students and caregivers. I am not plowing new ground with any of my opinions or facts. This is what sane people have known for years and years. I hear reasonable people say it all the time until it affects them or their child. Ellen, this will work as well as any curriculum. Denial and confusion is the heart of the problem.
We need a positive focus. Teachers are often mocked when they try and stop bullying or when they try and give examples of how it can affect a person’s whole life. I found, to my dismay, it caused the student who was being picked on to be picked on even more. That is why the failure of schools and parents to recognize that every child has a gift is so important. Teachers spend most of their time telling students at all grade levels they must study to pass minimum competency tests and diagnosing students’ failures.
I never taught a child that didn’t have a talent. I hope we can start to look for the gifts in children and adults alike, smile, let teachers have the time to focus on what’s right with children and be in the halls between class changes and place security cameras where adults can’t be positioned. It is imperative.
Kids will be kids and it’s time for adults to take back their ability to enforce rules. Parents, monitor all electronics and if you find one slip up - turn off the computer, take away the cell phone and find some positive way to spend time with your child. Don’t turn your home into a battleground. I have taught over 3,000 children from grades 3 to 10, as well as grad students. All of them and I mean all of them could be very, very good and wonderful. I know why most of you love your kids so much; I love them, too.
At times students could break mine and other’s hearts. It often happens repeatedly with the same students, groups of students or a child can actually initiate being bullied for the attention. That is not a reason to give up or be discouraged. Many times folks wouldn’t believe that nice Jimmy or Suzie would do anything wrong and their parents would not take my word for it. You are not a failure as a parent if your child does something really bad or has problems doing school work. Caregivers should not go directly to the administration. Adults have eyes and ears and deserve to be asked their side of the story before anyone leaps to any conclusions.
Please have the common sense to realize that with cell phones and other electronic forms of communication, it is easy to coordinate plausible “stories”. Cell phone videos are like sound bites and can show only part of a story and not the whole scenario. If children, adolescents, young adults and adults are determined to make mischief, they can and will use every available tool and if others jump in with both feet, you have succeeded in training others to play you, beat the system and have unbelievable power to ruin lives.
It is hard to be filled with hate, fear and anger when you are allowed to be yourself, valued for who you are and then encouraged to be the best you you can be.
For example, Jim Carey’s school days weren’t happy. He was a self-described loner and struggled with dyslexia. Then he found he could make friends by making people laugh. One teacher wrote on his report card: "Jim finishes his work first and then disrupts the class." At home, he thoroughly enjoyed making faces and mimicking in his mirror. He perfected his memory and his seventh-grade teacher, Lucy Dervaitis, gave him time at the end of class to perform stand-up comedy recognizing his amazing gift and hard work. (Copyright Dec., 2003 by Legacy Educational Resources. All rights reserved. Source: Martin Knelman, Jim Carrey: The Joker is Wild, Firefly Books, 2000, pp. 14,15.)
Imagine the uproar if any teacher took the time away from teaching to do that in today’s educational climate. What we must recognize, however, is that igniting the first spark of success creates more success. Without some small celebrated success and hopefully large successes, no matter how old you are, you are shouldering the effects of society’s personal overdoses of stress, incredible negativity and the misdirected focus of cruelty as entertainment without a safety zone.
It’s up to the adults to stop it. One of the best books for teaching values that will not bring the wrath of parents down upon a teacher’s head is: All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten.by Robert Fulghum. I read selected stories aloud to students for years. I believe some could be used in science classes, in math classes, in language arts classes and in other disciplines. In other words, any teacher who wanted to be clever and pick out a great essay with a message about being accepting and tolerant that matched his or her curriculum could do it.
There are many well-developed values and ethics curriculums in the educational world. Many parents do not want to turn over the teaching of right and wrong to school systems. I taught values and Kolberg’s moral theory of development as a beginning teacher and it was tolerated. We used small groups to discuss solutions to moral dilemmas. There were no right or wrong answers, just group discussions. Eventually, this curriculum became an anathema to parents and teachers alike. It was like herding cats because developmentally, we were asking children to make decisions without enough life experience, without enough information and we were playing with fire.
One other reading that middle and high school students (only for these grades and only with caregivers’ permission) love is: A Child Called It. by Dave Pelzer. It is an autobiography about a child surviving terrible abuse. Remarkably, some of my worst bullies read that book and were disgusted and moved to tears by Dave’s mother’s forms of torture and how long it took for Dave to be rescued. Empathy is not dead; it is just that the reward for successful bullying has more allure because children and adults alike have become worn down by what I, and perhaps others, have labeled: “The Lord of the Flies Syndrome”. Without order there is chaos and that is what we have and that is what we have created. The children are not the ones we should blame.
I hope you can use some part of this information as you move forward in your quest to address what many children, young adults, adults, educators, parents and others will tell you is a terrible disease that seems to have no cure. This has been a growing problem for many years and many studies have been conducted and lots of time and effort has been put into trying to put a halt to bullying in its many forms with little success. Bullying is easily hidden and victims find that telling adults, as well as turning to the law is often ineffective.
Is it any wonder that victims choose suicide or extreme violence as a solution? In a totally free society, citizens can’t turn to the government for protection. In effect laws and rules are an exchange of freedom for safety. Ironically, students and others now use “rights” or “freedom under the law” to circumvent school rules, demand their right to free speech and their actions related to free speech. Sadly, our effort to provide legal and educational protection to children, valued freedoms and privacy haven’t worked. Our society has been immobilized by those willing twist our hard won freedoms into personal weapons or a right to exercise cruelty with impunity.
If adults lack authority, bullying will continue to take a heavy toll on everyone who sees and feels the pain, dries the tears and binds the wounds. Martin Luther King, Jr. had many dreams for America. He wanted a place at the table for everyone, for everyone to be able to climb to the mountain top and equality for all. I believe if he could see what American schools were like today, it would break his heart. He knew that it takes everyone having the same clear vision of the future and achievable goals to bring about success. We can end most of the bullying if we act like adults are supposed to act. I’ve provided some suggestions and my dream is that small steps will lead to big ones and I won’t weep for someone else’s children or families when I turn on the television or open the newspaper ever again.
“Sticks and stones can break your bones, but words can break your heart.”
Robert Fulghum
After watching the many show(s) about bullying, I felt compelled to write. about the topic. The best sources of solutions to this problem – experienced teachers have not really been tapped. I am passionate about offering solutions because, like many teachers, I have dealt with bullying and bullies. You can not lecture, preach, teach kids and/or set up a course to stop it! I learned this the hard way. In fact, you may have the opposite effect of your desired goal by trying to teach students to be kind or empathetic.
By shinning a spotlight on the problem, you give the bully more power and attention. No one can have eyes and ears on a child 24/7. You may create more pain because bullies will work relentlessly to find an opportunity to strike again. Now, they feel even more satisfaction when they score, because you have emphasized the pain of the victim. No courses please.
These are the more common reasons bullying occurs:
• Gives the bully power
• Gives the bully control over situations
• Gives the bully an audience and often encouragement from peers through
laughter/entertainment value
• Gives the bully satisfaction – often bullies feel like failures, however, they can succeed as bullies
I am not going to site sources on this, but years of observation, experience, training and caring will have to serve as an expert reference and must serve as a basis for my observations and recommendations for solutions.
How can society stop bullying in our technological world?
Teachers, administrations, school districts, parents and children all have rolls to play. It’s all about creating simple, enforceable rules and enforcing them. Three positive statements that can guide everyone in creating and enforcing rules that may be effective are:
OUR SCHOOL PROVIDES A LEARNING ENVIRONMENT WHERE EVERYBODY CAN DO THEIR JOBS EFECTIVELLY.
OUR SCHOOL IS A SAFE PLACE FOR EVERYBODY PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY.
OUR STAFF SUPPORTS PARENTS AND GAURDIANS IN THEIR EFFORTS TO RAISE SUCCESSFUL CHILDREN.
Many districts have fundamental statements like these. These foundation statements have failed because the adults employed by the school system have been stripped of their ability to enforce supporting rules. This has happened slowly over a period of several years. People involved with the school system have turned these types of statements into clubs to beat people up and media frenzies have helped. Often individuals obtain more influence than the school population as a whole, creating an imbalance of power or an endless power struggle pitting one group against another.
To illustrate this point 2041: Twelve Short Stories About the Future by Top Science Fiction Writerst to you and to others, I refer you to a short story titled: MUCH ADO ABOUT [CENSORED] by Connie Willis from Jane Yolan’s collection . It’s about extreme politically correct behavior and censorship. The Drapery Defense League objects to Hamlet because Polonius is stabbed while he's hiding behind a curtain. The National Coalition Against Contractions protests because they feel that the use of contractions is directly responsible for the increase in crime rates. The CD containing the play, Merchant of Venice, is kept in the school safe and Portia, a student, must jump through all kinds of paper work and hurdles to get final permission to perform even a portion of the play.
Offending anyone is not an option and yet, incongruously, a young lady is allowed to protest outside the high school wearing a bikini. I used this story to let eight-grade students draw conclusions about the dangers of censorship and the potential scenarios that could play out should general society continue to respond to the calls of the few making lots of demands that on first glance, seem to require attention. It is only as time passes and more and more demands are met, that society realizes it has restricted what was worthwhile in the first place. Most of my colleagues thought I was engaging in risky behavior. I called it teaching critical thinking.
A few people, who make a lot of trouble, have gained an unbelievable amount of ability to control what happens in public schools. Who should decide when something is interfering with any school rules and/or harming a child attending a particular school? 99.9% of time it must be the adult employed and trained by the school system. Too often bullies, people who wish to control the education everyone’s child receives and others find a technical loophole to get away with breaking sensible rules or changing well-developed curriculum. Why do you think teachers don’t discipline or write students up for cursing or other verbal abuse? Why do you think teachers have demonstrated safer teaching strategies and slowed down in developing lessons that might be viewed as allowing divergent thinking?
I hope people watch the reality show, Teach on A&E starring Tony Danza. I’m not sure, but in all his promos, it looks like he’s getting the full treatment. He will probably score a breakthrough, but for most new teachers, that is not the case. They are gone within the first two to four years and not necessarily to higher paying jobs. If teachers disciplined students solely for objectionable language, they would spend all of their time writing reports, on the phone explaining their actions in detail, or worse - in guidance or the administrator’s office meeting with angry parents. This is on top of teaching, training, meetings, grading papers, recording grades, testing, assessing, additional duties as assigned and more.
I was once called a five-dollar-crack whore. I had moved some tenth-grade girls’ seats because they talked while I was talking. I don’t tolerate talking while I teach because I’m a big ham. My response was that I thought I was at least worth ten. Then, I deducted points from the young lady’s conduct grade which she was allowed to earn back. I earned a great deal of respect from her clique and the class that day because I didn’t have a hissy fit, lecture or write her up for a discipline meeting with the administration. We discussed the problem after class. I was not called a bitch (even mumbled) for the rest of the year by anyone in that class. I thought that was a big win.
Believe me – students know right from wrong. You have no idea of the time students subconsciously or consciously enjoy eating up with these disruptions and veteran teachers earn their reputations. Many of these teaching marvels flunk kids, call home, don’t smile in the first nine weeks and take a lot of heat. However, even the toughest of them have come under fire. I used different tactics, but in the end even gentle humor, quick wit, anecdotes and positive reinforcement lose their luster. Some of my quick sound bites landed me in administrative hot water. Being a drone and single-minded task master is the safest way to earn a teaching pay check these days.
Some children have been together for years and have learned to defeat most school districts’ lengthy Codes of Behavior. Teachers, administrators, superintendents and school boards have been put through hours of grilling and lawsuits. This has effectively hampered a lot of school personnel’s ability to handle even the simplest cases. Phoebe Prince’s case is not unique in terms of bullying and if you delve into the details you find the high school’s administration admitted they had not enforced their Code of Behavior equitably. If you give one student a pass when he or she breaks a rule, word gets out in the community and that’s when discipline, which is a shield for the bullied, fails.
There are horror stories of teachers, staff members and administrators who abuse their power when rules are strictly enforced - adults are not without faults. To solve any potential misapplication of purposeful adult authority, the adults involved have to come to consensus. Staffs must brainstorm, role play and decide what it means to be have a satisfactory learning environment, what it means to provide safety and support. They must agree when parents will be notified and the like. Everyone must reasonably follow what has been agreed upon.
Then students must be trained to meet expectations. Taking a written test doesn’t cut it. I mean students must be walked through the halls, brought to the cafeteria and more. A pep rally should be used to introduce all staff members to the student body and explain the rules using music and a slide show. I told my grad students to spend the first week lining up all students and to do this no matter what grade they taught. After lining them up, walk them back into class quietly and quickly. Next, have students sit at their desks and pull out homework, pencil and paper. Then ring a bell and give a grade for perfectly completing the drill as a class. Explain that the following week, individual conduct grades will fall for each failure, but can be fixed if the rest of the week is perfect.
I realized from raising my very intelligent daughter that telling her what to do was me presenting the information in only one format. Even my little genius, who now has her C.P.A. would say, “Duh, I forgot.” It was a game, but adults have to be smarter these days and remove excuses. Only then will the three to five percent of troublesome students be stopped from hampering the education, physical and mental health of other children and staff. Adult judgment calls have to become the final word.
Caregivers and extended family must be invited to potlucks and trained and given tons of support. They must know that they can contact teachers, guidance, or any staff person that strikes their fancy. Return calls are not optional, must be made within three days and documented. My Spanish speaking custodian helped me out lots of times. At one school, the staff designed a general form to use and copies were sent to guidance, kept in a teacher-made file and sent to the appropriate administrator.
This will take tons of time and some principals claim they can’t get staffs to agree about discipline or much of anything (especially high school staffs). We don’t have the luxury to ignore this problem any more, allow a few contrarians to dominate a staff, or claim it can’t be done. Once they are in place – the best plans can be adopted to cover the elementary, middle and high schools in a district and children and parents in these areas will find that expectations are uniform, fair and consistently applied. I have seen a staff use a process that got 80 plus staff members (all staff) to agree on the top 5 discipline problems and how to tackle them in two meetings, but this is not the place to go into detail about how this miracle was accomplished.
Tragically, this system fell apart because administrators caved into parental pressure and pressure from district administration. Teachers had put into place a point system that, up-front, let students know that they would be dropped or denied the ability to try out for sports teams and clubs after a certain number of offenses and points had been reached. In-school suspension was having an effect. Everything was working until exceptions started being made and teachers were pressured to withdraw discipline reports and even change conduct grades.
The least everyone connected with a school system can expect is a uniform application of discipline. Jocks, nice kids, the smart kids are not exempt . . . you break a rule, you pay the same price. No telling mom, dad, grandparents or others that the teacher is picking on you or that is not exactly what you did. Conduct grades should be on every report card and calculated by the teacher with a fair system that is consistent with school policy and communicated to students and caregivers. I am not plowing new ground with any of my opinions or facts. This is what sane people have known for years and years. I hear reasonable people say it all the time until it affects them or their child. Ellen, this will work as well as any curriculum. Denial and confusion is the heart of the problem.
We need a positive focus. Teachers are often mocked when they try and stop bullying or when they try and give examples of how it can affect a person’s whole life. I found, to my dismay, it caused the student who was being picked on to be picked on even more. That is why the failure of schools and parents to recognize that every child has a gift is so important. Teachers spend most of their time telling students at all grade levels they must study to pass minimum competency tests and diagnosing students’ failures.
I never taught a child that didn’t have a talent. I hope we can start to look for the gifts in children and adults alike, smile, let teachers have the time to focus on what’s right with children and be in the halls between class changes and place security cameras where adults can’t be positioned. It is imperative.
Kids will be kids and it’s time for adults to take back their ability to enforce rules. Parents, monitor all electronics and if you find one slip up - turn off the computer, take away the cell phone and find some positive way to spend time with your child. Don’t turn your home into a battleground. I have taught over 3,000 children from grades 3 to 10, as well as grad students. All of them and I mean all of them could be very, very good and wonderful. I know why most of you love your kids so much; I love them, too.
At times students could break mine and other’s hearts. It often happens repeatedly with the same students, groups of students or a child can actually initiate being bullied for the attention. That is not a reason to give up or be discouraged. Many times folks wouldn’t believe that nice Jimmy or Suzie would do anything wrong and their parents would not take my word for it. You are not a failure as a parent if your child does something really bad or has problems doing school work. Caregivers should not go directly to the administration. Adults have eyes and ears and deserve to be asked their side of the story before anyone leaps to any conclusions.
Please have the common sense to realize that with cell phones and other electronic forms of communication, it is easy to coordinate plausible “stories”. Cell phone videos are like sound bites and can show only part of a story and not the whole scenario. If children, adolescents, young adults and adults are determined to make mischief, they can and will use every available tool and if others jump in with both feet, you have succeeded in training others to play you, beat the system and have unbelievable power to ruin lives.
It is hard to be filled with hate, fear and anger when you are allowed to be yourself, valued for who you are and then encouraged to be the best you you can be.
For example, Jim Carey’s school days weren’t happy. He was a self-described loner and struggled with dyslexia. Then he found he could make friends by making people laugh. One teacher wrote on his report card: "Jim finishes his work first and then disrupts the class." At home, he thoroughly enjoyed making faces and mimicking in his mirror. He perfected his memory and his seventh-grade teacher, Lucy Dervaitis, gave him time at the end of class to perform stand-up comedy recognizing his amazing gift and hard work. (Copyright Dec., 2003 by Legacy Educational Resources. All rights reserved. Source: Martin Knelman, Jim Carrey: The Joker is Wild, Firefly Books, 2000, pp. 14,15.)
Imagine the uproar if any teacher took the time away from teaching to do that in today’s educational climate. What we must recognize, however, is that igniting the first spark of success creates more success. Without some small celebrated success and hopefully large successes, no matter how old you are, you are shouldering the effects of society’s personal overdoses of stress, incredible negativity and the misdirected focus of cruelty as entertainment without a safety zone.
It’s up to the adults to stop it. One of the best books for teaching values that will not bring the wrath of parents down upon a teacher’s head is: All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten.by Robert Fulghum. I read selected stories aloud to students for years. I believe some could be used in science classes, in math classes, in language arts classes and in other disciplines. In other words, any teacher who wanted to be clever and pick out a great essay with a message about being accepting and tolerant that matched his or her curriculum could do it.
There are many well-developed values and ethics curriculums in the educational world. Many parents do not want to turn over the teaching of right and wrong to school systems. I taught values and Kolberg’s moral theory of development as a beginning teacher and it was tolerated. We used small groups to discuss solutions to moral dilemmas. There were no right or wrong answers, just group discussions. Eventually, this curriculum became an anathema to parents and teachers alike. It was like herding cats because developmentally, we were asking children to make decisions without enough life experience, without enough information and we were playing with fire.
One other reading that middle and high school students (only for these grades and only with caregivers’ permission) love is: A Child Called It. by Dave Pelzer. It is an autobiography about a child surviving terrible abuse. Remarkably, some of my worst bullies read that book and were disgusted and moved to tears by Dave’s mother’s forms of torture and how long it took for Dave to be rescued. Empathy is not dead; it is just that the reward for successful bullying has more allure because children and adults alike have become worn down by what I, and perhaps others, have labeled: “The Lord of the Flies Syndrome”. Without order there is chaos and that is what we have and that is what we have created. The children are not the ones we should blame.
I hope you can use some part of this information as you move forward in your quest to address what many children, young adults, adults, educators, parents and others will tell you is a terrible disease that seems to have no cure. This has been a growing problem for many years and many studies have been conducted and lots of time and effort has been put into trying to put a halt to bullying in its many forms with little success. Bullying is easily hidden and victims find that telling adults, as well as turning to the law is often ineffective.
Is it any wonder that victims choose suicide or extreme violence as a solution? In a totally free society, citizens can’t turn to the government for protection. In effect laws and rules are an exchange of freedom for safety. Ironically, students and others now use “rights” or “freedom under the law” to circumvent school rules, demand their right to free speech and their actions related to free speech. Sadly, our effort to provide legal and educational protection to children, valued freedoms and privacy haven’t worked. Our society has been immobilized by those willing twist our hard won freedoms into personal weapons or a right to exercise cruelty with impunity.
If adults lack authority, bullying will continue to take a heavy toll on everyone who sees and feels the pain, dries the tears and binds the wounds. Martin Luther King, Jr. had many dreams for America. He wanted a place at the table for everyone, for everyone to be able to climb to the mountain top and equality for all. I believe if he could see what American schools were like today, it would break his heart. He knew that it takes everyone having the same clear vision of the future and achievable goals to bring about success. We can end most of the bullying if we act like adults are supposed to act. I’ve provided some suggestions and my dream is that small steps will lead to big ones and I won’t weep for someone else’s children or families when I turn on the television or open the newspaper ever again.
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