Bullying has not gone away and we are still seeing horrific violence and tragedy, such as the Elliot Rodger killing spree, created by imperfect mental health options. Snark is well and on daily display - not just in social media, but in all media. Teachers are dealing with the constant barrage of the twenty-four hour news cycle. It headlines tragedies about teens and families that are beyond our comprehension. Frustrating to classroom teachers are the armchair quarterbacking pundits, untrained (in education) commentators, over-trained and under-experienced experts and celebrities who feel free to tell us how to do our job.
Despite studies, training, courses and public service announcements - students and educators are in many ways powerless. It has been my experience that both bullies and the bullied have serious problems and need mentoring from a very early age. This is an area for guidance counselors and other services to come into play because to highlight these issues in the classroom is often putting a target on someone's back. What role do school's Codes of Behavior play in dealing with bullies in school districts? Many have gotten tough with bullying and cyber-bullying penalties, but consequences occur only after the damage is done. That is often the case in most situations - an attack has to occur before any corrective action can be taken which is why districts have taken the precaution of instituting courses to prevent bullying (I'm sure they are good - that's not my issue). I just suspect they don't always work as intended.
Fairfax County Public School in Virginia (one district where I used to teach) is overhauling its very tough Code of Behavior to decrease out-of-school suspensions and give more freedom to principals in deciding what consequences will be doled out. Now teachers will face the fact that powerful parents (sometimes bullies themselves) - or cranky parents, or the squeaky-wheel syndrome, will sway administrators from treating all students equally. In-school suspension, which I support, is making a comeback in this district, but if the program turns out to be just a holding tank, it undermines teachers' authority. However, if the in-school suspension setting is conducted under strict supervision with trained personnel, stringent rules and a set list of assignments kept on file by the guidance counselor for future reference - it might work. It has the possibility of creating a guidance-secured paper trail, increasing teachers' ability to exercise classroom control and a bonus of not creating extra assignments for the teacher to grade. I will be watching the results with interest and crossed fingers.
The insidious effects of our pop culture's marketing of violence without consequences, selling hyped teenage coming-of-age sexual adventures and lack of reasonable gun registration laws are all factors in the bully-bullied paradigm. Parents try hard to stem the tide of the images, devices and games available to their children, but being on-guard twenty-four hours a day is impossible.
I happen to be against classes and other sorts of in-school programs that propagandize an anti-bully theme and group-teach methods against being a victim. I don't like training students to be victims and I don't like giving bullies any precious class time that I can use doing some amazing lessons. However, I do offer two interesting one on one strategies that I gave to my sometimes bullied students.
Possible scenario - You, normally moving bullied student to separate area of classroom
You: So, what's going on - looks like you're having a rough day. . . (employ wait time and sit or kneel down - be relaxed and comfortable - have some material in your hand. Appear as if you're going over extra credit.) I have some extra work if you'd like to take a look - this piece of theater is for the student on-lookers. Even though you've taken student X out over to the side - the other students are always curious and eagle-eyed.)
Student X: Nothing, I'm okay.
You: Hey, no problem, I just noticed you had a broken pencil - I do have one in the bin over there if you need another one.
Student X: Yeah, I'll get one.
You: Good - something else, I thought I saw student Y break your pencil. That's not okay, but can I tell you something - I had this kid that used to push me down when I played sandlot softball at your age. I was so angry and upset. (Wait time will be important here . . . and may drive you crazy.)
Student X: You did? What did you do?
You: Well, I can't exactly go into that, but I'll tell you one thing I do today when I get angry - now this is a secret - I have an avatar - I am a raven. If I get angry - I see the raven in my mind and I just let what's happening go away - I have another trick when people say stupid stuff or say bad things about the work I am doing. Usually, other people come up and tell me what these people have said about me behind my back.
Student X: People say mean stuff about you - you're adult. Really? What else do you do? Does it work?
You: Yes, I'm sad to say - adults are mean, too. My second trick, is kind of silly, but it helps - when people are getting to me or making me feel bad - I put the song: "Mustang Sally" in my head - so have an avatar and a song to help you shake off what other people are saying to take away your power. Then you won't be their puppet - you're in control. I know it isn't easy - when people break your things or maybe even physically hurt you, but this way - you know your own power and can walk away.
Now, here's the extra book report form and you can have this pass to go to the library and pick out a book - I'll expect the report in a week.
Synopsis: No-group think, don't let other students know you are counseling the bullied student if you can avoid it because you will be putting a target on the kid's back, give him or her an extra credit assignment and grade it. Helping the student to come up with a suitable avatar and song will be the trickiest part of this task - you may have to break this intervention into a couple of sessions, but stick with it . . . brain storm and then check and recheck with the student. If the two tricks aren't working, have him or her try different avatars or songs. The main idea is to steer this child out of victim-hood and give him or her future anger management techniques. The world is a mean place these days - we all need coping skills. So what's your avatar and golly gee, I think I can hear you humming your song . . . Good luck and bless you for tackling the best job in the world.
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